The next chapter in Self Editing for Fiction Writers is Characterization and Expostion. It's quite a long chapter, so I'll try to sum it up as best I can.
Characterization is simply introducing your characters. Exposition is how you go about doing that. Many writers feel as though they have to give the reader a clear picture of each new character who is introduced. They never bring in a new character without a brief personality summary, or they introduce their characters with flashbacks to the childhood scenes that make them who they are now.
Some information is needed, of course. This is where Show, Don't Tell comes in. Character development needs to flow through the story. Just like you get to know a new friend, your reader should experience getting to know your characters through their dialog and action.
One way you can give an important piece of information about a new character is to have another character think or say something about him. For example: instead of writing, "Bob was not the sort of person others liked right away," you can write, "Like most people, I disliked Bob on first sight." See the difference?
You can develop your characters through dialogue and beats (pieces of action that go along with dialogue.) That's something we'll talk about later, but think about it. Body language is a big factor in getting to know a person. How they speak, their tone of voice and facial expressions can tell you a lot about them. If you want your readers to get a feel for who your characters really are, show them to us through dialogue and action.
Okay - give us a paragraph where you introduce a new character. Don't edit it. Give it to us the way you have it and we'll examine how you did it and see if it needs any changes.
Don't Plant Trees!
10 years ago
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Off the top of my head:
ReplyDeletePaula strolled to the battered women's shelter everyday. She called, "Have a blessed day!" to everyone she passed along the way. Nobody had a ill word against her.
Here's the introduction of one of my characters:
ReplyDeleteA girl, maybe a little older than Alyse, walked in. Her face was horribly disfigured. A red scar ran diagonally across her face, crossing over her right eye and rendering it blind. The scar was raised about a quarter of an inch above her face, but it seemed to sink into her nose slightly.
.....
He slapped the girl across the cheek and told her to go. Despite the ridicule she was receiving, Sierra stood proudly, refusing to flinch when Wulf struck her. Alyse could see respect shining in Aaron’s eyes the whole time.
Sierra backed out slowly, her eyes fixated on the prisoners.
The thin bearded man paid no attention to Emmanuel. He just kept writing in his book with haste. Emmanuel could see the look of strain in the man's eyes. There was pain in those eyes and a silent scream on his chapped lips. Could this sad creature be Emmanuel's guide? Could this be James?
ReplyDeleteOkay - here are my comments:
ReplyDeletePaula strolled to the battered women's shelter everyday. She called, "Have a blessed day!" to everyone she passed along the way. Nobody had a ill word against her.
I'd be interested in knowing who's point of view we're in. If we're in Paula's, well, she wouldn't think nobody had an ill word against her unless she was self-centered, which I don't think she is. If we're in someone else's POV, then it's good. The only think that's lacking for me is how the person feels about Paula. But then, that would tell us about the POV character and not Paula. :)
A girl, maybe a little older than Alyse, walked in. Her face was horribly disfigured. A red scar ran diagonally across her face, crossing over her right eye and rendering it blind. The scar was raised about a quarter of an inch above her face, but it seemed to sink into her nose slightly.
This is a good example of telling, or exposition. The author has simply given us a description. We know nothing about the girl who has just walked in. You might want to do something like this:
A girl, maybe a little older than Alyse, walked in. Her face was horribly disfigured. She caught sight of Alyse and paused, lifting a hand to touch the red scar that ran diagonally across her face. Alyse tried not to stare, but couldn't tear her eyes away. The girl frowned and turned her head slightly to return Alyse's gaze with her good eye.
Keep in mind, I know nothing about these characters, but my rewrite tells you a little about both. Alyse has compassion, but also the same morbid curiousity that plagues most of us. The girl, while conscious of her disfigurement, is also proud. We don't need every detail of her scar in this scene. If it's important to the story, you can reveal more detail within the context of the story.
He slapped the girl across the cheek and told her to go. Despite the ridicule she was receiving, Sierra stood proudly, refusing to flinch when Wulf struck her. Alyse could see respect shining in Aaron’s eyes the whole time. Sierra backed out slowly, her eyes fixated on the prisoners.
This is pretty good. Just needs some tweaking.
He slapped Sierra across the cheek. "Get your ugly face out of my sight!"
Sierra never flinched when Wulf struck her. Alyse could see respect shining in Aaron’s eyes the whole time.
She backed out slowly, her eyes fixated on the prisoners.
The thin bearded man paid no attention to Emmanuel. He just kept writing in his book with haste. Emmanuel could see the look of strain in the man's eyes. There was pain in those eyes and a silent scream on his chapped lips. Could this sad creature be Emmanuel's guide? Could this be James?
I love "a silent scream on his chapped lips." Wow - that's powerful. It tells us a lot about the man. But I'm wondering how Emmanuel could see the look of strain in the man's eyes since the man paid no attention to him. He only wrote in his book. That tells me he never looked up, so Emmanuel couldn't see the look in his eyes. I'd rework it like this:
The thin, bearded man glanced at Emmanuel with strained eyes, a silent scream on his chapped lips. Then he went back to writing in his book. Emmanuel flinched at the deep pain he saw in the man's face. Could this sad creature be Emmanuel's guide? Could this be James?
Anyone else want to chime in?
That makes perfect sense :) wow I wish you were helping me write my book lol. But now at least I've got an idea of how to approach things. Thank you so much! I'm so glad I found your blog :) God Bless!
ReplyDeletehi Amber - if you go through the archives and stick with the blog, I *am* helping you write your book. Which is what I love to do. I'm glad you found me, too!
ReplyDeleteHere's a couple of paragraphs in which I introduce a new character. (The "last time around" etc. in the second paragraph is because a rewind-style time travel is the initial premise of the story.)
ReplyDeleteThe plain wooden door, with a brass nameplate marked "Elaine" at eye level, was decorated with clippings from the Capitol Times and Courier, the Imperial Review and Parliamentary Record, the Regional Review of Books and the Academy Observer, and other well-known and obscure papers. These clippings overflowed onto the surrounding walls, but Persephone managed to find a bare space on the door and knocked. The door opened.
A tall woman beckoned her in. Elaine had not been her tutor for any of her Academy career the last time around, and had been lost when the capital was taken, so Persephone had hardly known her. She was dressed in an Academy academic gown, cut informally. Her brown eyes somehow held severity and fun at once, and her short brown hair was swept back and tied loosely behind her head.
Thanks! I'll work on showing instead of telling. :)
ReplyDeleteLet's take a look at Jonathan's second paragraph. I'm assuming Elaine is the new character. Okay. Here's how I would revise this paragraph to make it clearer.
ReplyDeleteA tall woman beckoned her in. She wore an Academy academic gown, cut informally. This must be Elaine, Persephone thought. I never had her as a tutor before. Heck, I've never even SEEN her before.
Elaine's brown eyes stared coldly at Persephone, but somewhere in the depths, Persephone caught sight of a smile.
Part of introducing a character is showing how our main character feels about meeting them. Every detail is not needed at first glance, unless it's totally necessary. Do we really need to know about Elaine's hair right now?
And since I only have these two paragraphs, I'm confused about the Academy career that was lost to Persephone, so I didn't address that.
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Next week, we'll continue with self-editing. Happy New Year. May 2011 be blessed.
I hope I'm not too late. This paragraph is describing a new character that pops up in the book:
ReplyDeleteBubbles appeared in the water, then a wet, curly head appeared, followed by eyes that almost glowed. The girl jumped up onto the rock and coughed. Slits on the side of her neck that looked like gills dripped out mud. “Let me tell you, that water is nasty.” She shook her hair and sprayed Ryar with water. Her hair instantly puffed up, then she concentrated on flattening it down.
“You, uh, breathe it?”
The girl turned those haunting eyes to him. “I suppose you can say that.” Her nose twitched, and she sneezed. “But we prefer cleaner waters.”
I like this, Danielle. I wouldn't change much. Maybe something like this:
ReplyDeleteThe water bubbled like a cooking pot. Ryar's eyes widened as a wet, curly head surfaced, followed by eyes that glowed. A girl leaped out of the water and landed on a rock. She coughed, and mud dripped out of slits on the side of her neck. "Let me tell you, that water is nasty," she said.
Ryar didn't respond. She shook her hair. The water sprayed all over him. She smiled and lifted a hand to flatten her hair. Ryar found his voice. "You, uh, breathe water?"
The girl turned those haunting eyes to him. "I suppose you can say that." Her nose twitched and she sneezed. "But we prefer cleaner waters."
Of course, it would help with more information, but you get the idea. We need to show - not tell as much. The thing is knowing when to tell and when to show. If I'm not sure, I write it both ways, read it out loud, and then see what flows.
Anyone else?